I checked the clinical trials section of Scotsman jobs last night. Fortunately there was nothing there. Although I did briefly nurse a fantasy of having a mouse’s ear grafted onto my back for an obscene amount of money. It wasn’t to be. It would probably have been quite socially awkward anyway. For example, for one reason or another, you are getting undressed in front of someone:
“What’s that on your back?”
“What? Oh, it’s nothing…”
“Is it a mole?”
“Well, if you want to be species specific, it’s a mouse’s ear.”
“A mouse’s ear?! I was asking you if you had a small congenital pigmented spot on the skin
“Oh I thought you meant I had a small velvety-furred burrowing mammal having small eyes and fossorial forefeet on my back.”
“Why would I think that?”
“No reason…”
“What is it?”
“My first answer was right: it’s NOTHING.”
“I’m not sure if I like you any more…”

Now that will never happen. I’m not sure that’s the sort of thing they do in clinical trials anyway. I always thougt it was just lipstick on badgers and rabbits wearing mascara. No…I’m thinking of cosmetic testing.

Wouldn’t it be great if everyone spoke in definitions?


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